Of Keloid Scars and Radiation

So, I thought I might talk about my experience over the last few weeks, just in case there is anyone else out there who might ever want to go through this journey.

I don't think I have ever really mentioned it here, but I have some keloid scarring on my chest and my shoulders. The chest scarring is from open heart surgery when I was four, and the scarring on my shoulders is actually from acne.

Now, if I'm being really honest - as an almost forty year old woman now, the 'look' of the scars doesn't bother me that much. Don't get me wrong, they look a bit nasty, but I really don't care, and if I do ever happen to meet some guy out there someday - well, I have scars, I've lived life. That's just, that.

And if that's where it stopped, it'd be fine.

I'd continue taking the medication that stops the acne - because yes, even at almost forty, I still get, horrendous acne and any acne is possibly a scar problem...so...yay...medication.

It just...didn't stop at keloid scars.

See, for most people, keloid scars are cosmetic frustrations. Usually, they'll stop growing, and they'll look awful, but they will stop growing. I am not most people, which continues to be proven time and time again. I am weird.

My scars are astronomically painful. Sometimes it's like someone stabbing me repeatedly in the chest and shoulders, or it'll be a fierce, burning, scorching pain that'll throb, or a electric itch that makes my whole body twitch.

From what I've read this is probably due to nerves being all bunched up inside the keloid scar, and due to my fibro, I am feel more pain from these areas than I should be otherwise feeling. Like I said, I'm weird.

That's never really been much of a comfort on the nights I lose sleep, or the days when I can't concentrate and I end up a pile of tears on the kitchen floor. I always felt that if I could just get rid of my keloid scars, it'd remove a massive amount of the pain I contend with day by day.

So...this year...I decided to look into just that.

I couldn't do anymore steroid injections, which is something you can do to keloid scars. I've had these treatments before and they've worked for me for about year, I'll be pain free for about year and then the pain would return and in fact, my scars would grow larger each time I had a steroid injection...so...maybe it made worse? I donno.

It had been a long time since I'd gone to see someone about this issue, so, a few things had changed in the medical world. Usually getting a keloid scar cut out is a big no-no because, of course, if you're prone to keloid scarring, any surgical wound will just re-scar again. However, what if you...radiated the skin immediately after the surgery? You know, like, radiation, for cancer.

As it has been explained to me, the idea is that you want to interrupt the overproduction of collagen by damaging the cells which are responsible for creating the scar tissue. Keloid scars are basically the body freaking out and not stopping producing collagen, so, how about try to stop that process? Give that a go, right? It has a 95% chance of working and I thought that was pretty good. ^_^;;

deep breath

So I had a migraine the day of my surgery. That sucked. Like really sucked.

But okay. It was done. I am really grateful to my parents, because without them to drive me around handling the week ahead would have been so difficult. Dad dropped me off and picked me up from the day surgery and then we were off to the oncology center to get measured up so they could make some shielding.

This is so that only the areas they want radiated get radiated.

This was - rather awkward - being naked in a room with a lot of people, but they're all really nice about it and I think that's what I appreciate about the medical professionals I've interacted with over my life. They're always aware it's not a great situation to be in and either acknowledge it, or just ignore it, and to me, both is fine.

The next day I had my first radiation session and I learnt a lot more about cancer treatment than I ever expected to learn as someone who hasn't got cancer. I was only having three treatments, but I was told it still wasn't going to be easy.

Yeah, so...I really wasn't prepared for it.

The radiation session itself is fine. You just lie on a bed and bobs-your-uncle. It's incredibly well set up and streamlined.

The recovery was - and still is - difficult.

The first night I didn't sleep - at all. This may have been a combination of the migraine and the pain, but - oh - it was bad. Yeah. So, I just played Baldur's Gate 3 all night. The second night I got about two hours sleep, and the third night was horrific. By then the radiation was just shocking, I felt like my lymph nodes were trying to murder me by strangling my neck. I could neither sleep on my back nor my sides or my chest. So...yeah, not much sleep.

The fourth night the radiation felt like it was burning me from the inside out and I was just...done. I cried a lot.

Thankfully, I was done. And - I said to my parents that I was just astounded by the strength and courage of the people I'd met, because all I'd endured was three days of treatments. I couldn't imagine any longer.

The radiation slows down healing, so, I've got to be careful for awhile - and it's been really painful, apparently it'll get worse before it gets any better and I really - really hope it's worth it. I've been struggling with super basic tasks because you don't realize how much you need your arms and chest until you take away the movement of those things. I sat on the floor just crying today - I had no idea it was going to be like this, which is fair, like, of course I didn't know.

And would I go back and not do it?

No. I don't think so.

If there is even chance I can stop the pain, I'll take it. So, yeah, I might have a few months of recovery ahead, but it will be worth it.

On the plus side, I have been doing a lot of writing, and doing another play through of Baldur's Gate 3 so, that's all good.

Anyway, that was a really heavy blog, so here is a picture of Charcoal being adorable to cheer us all up.